This week, I had a rather tense confrontation with someone I used to consider a friend. The whole thing was a HUGE misunderstanding on the person's part, and I am still sort of wondering what on earth brought it on. Essentially, this person had posted on social media that they were selling tickets for some sort of event at a Ukrainian Catholic parish in Florida that I had actually visited a couple of times, and in response to their post I said, "Well, that is neat. Is that such-and-such church on such-and-such street?" An innocent question, and under normal circumstances a normal person would be like "Why, yes it is!" and maybe engage in some small talk about the parish or something and the mutual experience we shared with visiting there. However, nothing about this conversation would be normal, as within about 5 minutes after my response on this person's post, I get this nasty, angry email accusing me of putting the parish in danger, etc., etc., etc. But, it got even worse. Due to some bad experience this person had some years ago, they got into a more mystical/quasi-charismatic form of Catholicism that stressed spiritual warfare, prophecy, and all this other stuff, and the mindset of this person often colors their judgment. So, when this individual did not feel I "apologized" enough, they went on the attack and all of a sudden they claimed the Holy Spirit was showing them that I had some "sex sin" or something, and they went off on the craziest tangent about that. I finally had to block the person for harassment on social media, and after that little exchange, I had this eerie feeling because I was there before, years ago. Many already know that story, but for those who don't, let me give you the "Reader's Digest" version.
When I was in my early 20s, I attended a Pentecostal church of the Foursquare denomination in Midland City, AL. However, a couple of years into going there, things got bizarre, as the pastor and a number of the laypeople got themselves entangled in "deliverance ministry" and they were reading these bizarre books such as Rebecca Brown's He Came to Set the Captives Free as well as Frank and Ida Hammond's book Pigs in the Parlor. For those of you who know these books, you are aware that they are written by crackpots who look for demons under their coffee tables and also get off on "personal prophecy" to justify some of the crazy conclusions they reach. This Foursquare church was into all that, and even would have those iconic bonfires to burn things they thought were "possessed;" one lady would even hold up a T-shirt and say "Look at that - the demon is glaring at me!" and then rebuke it ("in the name of Jesus" of course) and burn it. After a while, because I didn't conform to their image, I was targeted by this stuff, and it led me to eventually leave that abomination of a church and would aid in my own conversion to the Catholic faith some years later. In time, that "church" was served justice - they suffered a split, after which the church closed for good, and the pastor retired and later ended up dying of Alzheimer's (which he also claimed was a demon in that church - talk about irony!), and in time the church building was sold to a Hindu community and is now a temple to Shiva or something. It took many years of recovery for me from that sort of spiritual abuse, and when this person who attacked me yesterday did what they did, it drug up some unpleasant memories. That is why I wanted to address that here.
First, let's give some Biblical background of this whole thing. People who engage in this type of behavior often appeal to certain Scripture passages to affirm their calling, notably Ephesians 4:7 and I Corinthians 12:10. Often, people who subscribe to a more extreme charismatic understanding will point out that the "office of prophet" and the "gift of prophecy" are two different things. While there are some merits to this, and throughout the history of the Church people have possessed these gifts, in the last couple of hundred years a variety of movements, cults, and denominations have made them central in that "anyone can have the gift of prophecy" whether they do or not, and the potential for abuse is quite high. I don't know if my former friend claimed to be a prophet or not, but they often bragged about a "gift of discernment" and to be honest, in the time I have known this person I have been a little wary of that, especially since this person also claims to be devoutly Catholic. And, that leads to some further observations.
The purpose of one of these gifts, if one truly possesses them, is for the edification of the Church as well as evangelistic in some circumstances. And it goes back to this whole notion of "charismatic," which in Greek is a word that comes from charis, meaning literally "gift." However, in the context of where that gift comes from, it is also historically understood that these are gifts of grace, meaning we do not do anything to earn them and they really are not to be promoted as a status symbol. And, the root Greek word charis also related to another Latin word, caritas, and both of these convey that the gift is also given in love (caritas is also the root of the English word charity). Therefore, the etymology alone of the word charismatic suggests that these gifts are conveyed by God's grace to witness Christ's love. Prophecy is one of these gifts, and it is something that although not as prevalent as a genuine gift is nonetheless to reflect supernatural grace and divine love. However, like anything, this is something that can be misused, and sadly it often is, and it has caused damage to the Church on a major scale. Heretical sects, and sincere but misguided individuals like my former friend, not to mention a wide array of opportunistic hucksters, have been the greatest culprits in the abuse of these important gifts, and it is an epidemic in the Church that needs to have attention devoted to it to correct.
Human beings are limited - a concupiscent nature was given to us at the Fall in the Garden of Eden, and it takes supernatural grace to elevate, heal, and perfect our nature in order to restore us to how God intended. The problem is that Christians are not yet totally exempt from concupiscence, and oftentimes we even mess up within the context of the Church, and when spiritual gifts are involved it can get downright dangerous. In my former friend's case, she used her "prophecy gift" or "discernment gift" (still not sure which she claims to have) as a weapon against someone (me) that she was angry with. When that happens, it means that the person exercising the supposed gift is being irresponsible and disobedient with its practice, and may even be seduced by a lying spirit. The enemy loves to corrupt and manipulate things like this in order to cause others to stumble, and it is really sad when it happens within the Church. Outside of the Church though, it creates a counterfeit which is known as witchcraft or the occult, but within the Church it has another name - Charismatic witchcraft. Trying to use a supposed spiritual gift to manipulate others to impose one's will - especially when it is falsehoods that are being said - is a classic definition of magic, and is not the operation of the Holy Spirit. The person committing this atrocity may actually think they are hearing God, and may have the best of intentions, but they are no better than a witch in all honesty. And, especially when using a gift of grace as a weapon or in anger - that can be very harmful. The person I had the encounter with did just that, and it was a little unsettling for me as I got creepy feelings from this person that were reminiscent of that Foursquare church in Alabama I experienced in my younger years. I am older and wiser now and of course I know better, but it is still unsettling when people behave like that. Now that we established the groundwork, I want to now briefly talk about spiritual abuse and what it entails.
In my days of experience in that Foursquare church in Alabama, I came across a very good book that was a huge help for me, and it is Ronald Enroth, Churches that Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992). On page 29, Enroth gives essentially a definition of what spiritual abuse is when he says it entails psychological and spiritual damage inflicted upon people by those who are considered authorities, such as ministers and other leaders. They use their position to abuse the authority they are given, and the results can be catastrophic - a violation of trust, a falling away from faith, broken families, and spiritual confusion. When people are subjected to this, it causes emotional and spiritual scarring that often makes it a struggle to readjust to normal life, and in extreme cases it has even caused death through either direct/indirect action by the abuser or tragically, suicides. Enroth, who as a sociologist has researched this sort of thing in great detail, notes that there are some major aspects of the abuse that are to be identified:
1. Authority and Power
2. Manipulation and Control
3. Elitism and Persecution
4. Lifestyle and Experience
5. Dissent and Discipline
Using the acronym AMELD, these characteristics may or may not all be present in every group, but they are traits that do show up. In my former friend's case, there are three of them - 1,3, and 5 on the list. My former friend claims authority by saying she has the "gift of discernment," then uses manipulation and control to try to impose her "insights" on others, and finally if you resist what she says you are somehow some sort of pariah and hellbound. The Alabama church had all five of these actually. Now, here is where we have problems though if one acts like this. Let me get into that.
If a person has a true spiritual gift, they are not typically going to flaunt it because they know they did not merit it but that God chose them to have it. So, a legitimate gift is exercised in humility. Also, if said gift is given, it is for the encouragement and uplifting of others in the Church, and is never to be used as a bludgeoning club against someone you may not like. Finally, the encouragement or guidance offered by said gift is respective of the free will of the person receiving the manifestation of it - it is given as guidance or encouragement only, and is not something that is punitive or coercive. God will not strike someone dead who maybe rejects a prophetic word or something, and the Holy Spirit is gentle and not like that at all. On that note, especially when I personally seek God's guidance, I wish the Holy Spirit's voice was louder, but often it is not. Another aspect of this too is that the person who possesses such a gift cannot "pull rank" and exalt themselves - if they do, it detracts from the focus of the gift, which is God. A person who has a spiritual gift or vocation is only a vessel, and they cannot in any way claim status for having a gift or vocation; God has his own reward for his faithful stewards. Finally, exercising the gift in the right spirit is integral. A spiritual gift is not a weapon against a fellow human being, and should not be used as such. So, if you possess a gift like discernment or prophecy, check your attitude when claiming to exercise it. My former friend failed miserably on that last point, and as a result a friendship was sacrificed, and it made them look like a deranged psychopath rather than as a true instrument of God. On that note, I have a couple of concluding thoughts.
For Catholics, this whole matter takes on a whole new dimension of accountability than it does with our Protestant brethren. Any spiritual work, just like any doctrine, must be in conformity with both Sacred Scripture and the Magisterial teaching of the Church. If it fails in that, it is to be rejected outright as being not in line with the Church. Likewise, while we can appreciate our own accomplishments in some areas, when it comes to spiritual gifts, we cannot assume that we are holier than the Communion of Saints (the Church Expectant in Magisterial teaching). Their holiness was recognized by others often long after their death, and only when the Church recognizes their charism enough to warrant canonization or beatification, then and only then is the gift considered authentic and valid. Even the Popes rarely speak ex cathedra about matters (I think that has only happened a few times in the whole history of the Church) so why do these people claiming gifts of this and that think they are so special?? If that were the case, many people the Church recognized as saints over the centuries would be disqualified, as people who claim to have discernment, etc., are actually saying they are holier than the saints, but are they though?? I am not proud enough to admit I sure ain't!! I have had some supernatural experiences, but here's the thing about those - often those were for myself to give me guidance, and on the rare occasion when they were for someone else, often they were encouraging and were speaking to something that person was experiencing at that moment - timing is crucial too. However, I never claimed to act as "God's instrument," and if the recipient of my insight was Catholic, I would always encourage them to check out what I said in line with the Magisterium and Scripture, and if something was not right, they could throw it out. A responsible channel of God's grace should always have the humility to do that. My friend will eventually learn that I hope, and I hope they do so before it is too late and more damage is done.
Thank you for allowing me to share a lesson on this, and if you are the victim of spiritual abuse, there are a couple of things to remember. First, you are not alone - many of us have been there before. Second, if you are a fellow Catholic, this is something you can address in the confessional too, as it will aid in the healing process to just talk to someone about it. We must remember, the confessional is not just a place to confess sins - it is also a place of healing, and nine chances out of ten many confessions are probably opportunities for the priest to counsel someone who struggles. And, we should utilize that, as it does wonders for one's mind and heart. Of course, if you come from a spiritually abusive background, the confessional will be a tough challenge - you have had your trust betrayed before, and are understandably somewhat skittish about this, but it is OK. In that case, just talk to someone you feel you can trust - a spouse, a close friend, or even the priest in a less formal setting like the parish office or something. If you talk to the priest in particular, you can tell him about your apprehension about the confessional, and he will counsel you on that too. As we learned in RCIA and as we read in the Catechism, the priest represents Christ as sort of an ambassador, and when you talk to the priest it is as if you are talking to Christ directly, hence the role of sacramental grace. That may take some time for you too coming to that realization, so don't worry too much if you have issues at first, as any good priest will understand that too. Of course, the hardest part often is forgiveness. Let me address that really quick and then I will wrap it up.
That church I told you about I attended in Alabama when I was younger was very abusive, and in all honesty they were indirectly responsible for the breakup of my first marriage. My ex-wife and I are actually still good friends today because we both understand what happened, and both of us were victims of the same thing in different ways. I have days I feel really resentful against that bunch of nuts honestly, and it is something I am still working through. But, I have learned to embrace forgiveness of these people, as in a poetic sort of way they got what they deserved anyway and God took care of that for me. But, it is not healthy to hold onto resentment, and in all honesty I am a little stung by my former friend who attempted to be spiritually abusive to me, but at the same time I pray for their soul and hope they will one day mature in their faith enough to repent of what they have done and maybe get some much-needed help for themselves, as this individual has their own spirituality colored by a negative experience. The individual in question is a female, and she needs healing and restoration too, as she has done this to other male friends she has had before too and there is a bigger problem under the surface, and she uses her "spiritual gift" as a way to project her own resentment onto others if she is triggered. I feel sorry for people like her honestly, as their whole religious experience is built upon fear and paranoia and they lack having the joy dimension of their faith. Until she finds that joy, she will never be complete either. So, pray for her, and I will as well.
Thank you again for allowing me to share my thoughts, and hopefully this will be an encouragement to someone else. Blessings until next time.
